February 25, 2025
Final week, I posted in regards to the sacredness of intercourse.
So this week, I’m impressed to proceed with the subject of intercourse, particularly, the potential cheapening of it.
Should you’re a lady studying this, particularly for those who’re a married or soon-to-be-married girl, it’s possible you’ll not need to tune out. It’s necessary to know what goes by way of a man’s mind if he occurs to be doing nearly all of his pondering with that particular organ, which you’ll quickly discover out is just not essentially the case.
Should you’re a man, then positively maintain studying. It might prevent lots of bother sooner or later.
Intercourse & The Touring Businessman
Right here’s the factor: I journey a LOT for work.
Whether or not educating diet at a yoga clinic in South America, blasting onto a stage in a packed Vegas convention room, or (as is the case whereas I’m scripting this) visiting 9 cities in twelve days throughout India for entrepreneur well being teaching, one of many main methods I carry dwelling the bacon to feed my household is by spending loads of time in airplanes and resort rooms.
For a lot of that journey, I’m 100% solo.
Which means I’m a married man touring alone—with no spouse, no wingman, and practically nonexistent accountability—whereas additionally, on account of my standing as a public determine perceived as wholesome, highly effective, and influential, continuously encountering a plethora of engaging, aggressive girls who make their intentions clear, whether or not by way of Instagram booty calls, not-so-subtle touches, or outright propositions to “get in my pants,” so to talk.
And that’s not even contemplating the infinite entry to pornography on my tv and smartphone, obtainable anytime with out the necessity to sneak away or cover.
In spite of everything, as I discussed, I’m normally alone.
As you may think about, this fixed sexual temptation is one thing I’ve needed to study to cope with gracefully and virtuously, particularly by maintaining my pants on and my tongue in my very own mouth.
Admittedly, there was a time once I didn’t do a great job coping with all of it. The flattery, the short-term pleasure, and the reasons to myself {that a} one-night stand isn’t actually an emotionally hooked up or a long-term relationship left me coming dwelling to my household a number of occasions after having been sexually untrue and having to cover my very own lack of ethical excellence for concern of being shamed.
Let me inform you, it is in regards to the worst feeling on this planet to take your spouse out on a date after a bout of journey escapades and attempt to shut down the psychological scream inside your head that you just’ve cheated on the harmless and trusting life accomplice sitting throughout from you.
It’s additionally shattering, as a hypocritical father, to lecture your sons about faithfulness whereas imagining them rising as much as be identical to you—violating their relationship with their very own wives and households.
It’s additionally necessary to notice that the few seconds of delight derived from a short-term hookup are by no means, ever, ever value it. You principally hate your self afterward. It’s horrible, and it’s by no means fulfilling.
Ever.
Contemplating it is a massive drawback that tears households aside, destroys legacy, and implodes dwelling life, it’s one thing that it is advisable deeply care about for those who’re a married man or future married man studying this, particularly for those who journey usually like I do. I think I can’t be the one married man on the market who has to navigate this path.
However, for those who’re nonetheless studying at this level, you in all probability already know that the basic infidelity of the touring businessman is a giant drawback.
Whereas it’s definitely necessary to grasp the chaos that unfaithfulness, whether or not in analog or digital kind, wreaks upon your closest, dearest relationships, it’s simply as necessary to grasp what precisely to do about it.
So, that’s what I’m going to share now: seven sensible ideas, from the trenches, on how I’ve—by the grace of God—developed a thick-skinned resilience to sexual immorality, how I’ve reworked my relationship with my spouse by way of over a decade of devoted faithfulness, and how one can too.
1. Pray
God doesn’t need you to cheat.
Whereas Romans 5:3-5 says that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance, character, this doesn’t imply God is haphazardly tossing temptations your means with no means of escape, all whereas rubbing His palms collectively and ready so that you can succumb to inevitable demise. The Bible says that God is not going to tempt you past your means and that He will present a means out of temptation. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you besides what’s frequent to mankind. And God is devoted; he is not going to allow you to be tempted past what you may bear.”
Moreover, Matthew 26:41 says, “Watch and pray that you could be not enter into temptation. The spirit certainly is keen, however the flesh is weak.”
It’s painfully apparent, isn’t it? Remember and pray when temptation is coming at you.
That is simpler mentioned than accomplished. You’ll be able to’t precisely drop to your knees at a cocktail occasion when a beautiful girl in a slinky, quick skirt is stroking your arm—telling you together with her lips how a lot she admires what you’ve achieved whereas telling you together with her eyes that she’d like to perform one thing for you herself.
I’ll inform you precisely what works for me in a scenario like this: I excuse myself to a nook of the bar, duck behind a curtain, or slip into a toilet stall and say one easy prayer that simply works. It’s known as “the Jesus prayer.”
“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
This works like magic. You’ll be able to nearly really feel the sexual demons slipping away whenever you say it. Jesus understands. He’s been there. Hebrews 4:15 says, “He was tempted in each means that we’re, however he didn’t sin.”
And positive, you need to keep a continuing state of prayer that goes deeper than only a single sentence. However whenever you’re in a pinch—your lust accelerating to full velocity, your physique betraying you, and also you want a determined name for Christ who strengthens you—that is the prayer to have memorized. I take advantage of it usually.
2. Empathize
Anytime I’m tempted to ask a lady into my resort room or pull up porn on my laptop computer, I think about how I’d really feel if I walked in on my spouse doing the identical factor.
Put your self in her footwear.
Sure, the subsequent time you are feeling like masturbating to porn, ask your self how you’ll really feel for those who walked in on her within the bed room pleasuring herself to some random dude on the display of her smartphone along with his pants pulled down.
Or let’s say a lady on the resort bar, or possibly two, asks what you’re as much as later and what your room quantity is. Certain, this feels like a implausible time, however how would you are feeling for those who received dwelling and walked in in your spouse with one man beneath her and one other behind her?
I throw up in my mouth simply fascinated about a dude or two banging my spouse. So how is it any completely different for me to entertain the thought of doing the identical factor with girls?
It doesn’t must be as excessive as that. For instance, do you have to need your spouse speaking to an alpha male at a convention afterparty the identical means you’re standing in actually, actually shut proximity to that girl batting her eyes at you? Would you need your spouse getting a rub-down from a heartthrob male therapeutic massage therapist? Would you need her giving aspect hugs, bear hugs, and again rubs to random dudes when she’s off on a visit?
So don’t do to her what you wouldn’t need accomplished to you.
By the best way, though I do favor the tender contact of a feminine therapeutic massage therapist, I all the time select the ugly or actually previous ones if I would like some deep tissue work once I’m on the highway.
3. Sleep
Generally you simply gotta get your ass to sleep. The later you keep at an after-party, the crazier it will get. The later you hang around on the bar or restaurant, the extra determined and aggressive the other intercourse acts. The later you keep awake in your resort room, the extra interesting free porn turns into.
On the subject of each morality and productiveness, I reside by the mentality that ‘extra good issues occur within the morning than within the night.’ Within the morning, you learn, pray, work, stretch, train, and drink espresso. Within the night, you eat, make small discuss, eat leisure, lounge round, or sit an excessive amount of—and infrequently, you drink alcohol.
So fall asleep, already.
Once more, it is simpler mentioned than accomplished, proper?
Right here’s how I paint myself right into a nook: once I stroll into my resort room, even when there’s FOMO brewing in my mind to go hit one other occasion or an interesting textual content on my cellphone from some hottie I met a number of hours earlier, I instantly implement sensible sleep hygiene ideas, particularly:
- Flip the temperature down as little as it goes.
- Put your cellphone and laptop in evening mode and/or airplane mode.
- Pop your sleep cocktail of alternative (to not get all commercialized right here, however I do Kion Sleep + Factor Well being Max Energy CBD + a whopping sledgehammer of Mitozen Melatonin).
- Play some actually enjoyable sleep noise or a white noise sleep app.
- Get the room as darkish as potential, and I imply actually darkish.
- Pull on a sleep masks, curl up in mattress, and say your prayers.
Sure, I do know if I have been an actual powerful man and a extremely robust Christian, I ought to find a way to withstand temptation by way of sheer prayer and a contact of willpower, with out inducing a near-comatose sleep state.
However I’m simply sharing what works for me.
4. Porn
You in all probability raised an eyebrow at that one, proper?
No, I’m not endorsing that you just whip out your bank card and whip down your pants whereas justifying to your self that not less than you’re not dishonest with an actual human. The great of turning down analog intercourse doesn’t justify the ugliness of turning to digital intercourse.
I’m speaking about wifey-porn, guys.
that “hidden” photograph characteristic in your cellphone? It’s not only for storing a financial institution assertion picture or Bitcoin passphrase screenshots.
Take into account politely asking your spouse to do a photograph shoot for you.
To make use of a modern-day catchphrase I am not in love however will get the message throughout: a “actually soiled” one.
Inform her your favourite poses, positions, and fantasies, then let her go to city and textual content or Airdrop you all the pieces. Be happy so as to add a bit extra to your partner’s spank financial institution arsenal whenever you’re making love together with her (tip: use a tripod for those who don’t need to kill the vibe by cradling your cellphone in a single hand and her within the different). In case your spiritual or religious convictions make you query whether or not wifey porn is correct, check out the softcore poetry within the Bible’s Track of Solomon for some inspiration.
Then, the subsequent time you’ve been on a highway journey for a number of days and have blue balls, or it is advisable don’t have anything in your thoughts however her, open that hidden photograph folder and proceed to have a extremely, actually good time with your self.
And to not be painfully apparent, however for those who use this technique, please don’t share your cellphone passcode together with your youngsters. You do not need them attempting to erase these photographs from their reminiscence whereas mother is making them breakfast within the kitchen.
P.S. Do share your cellphone passcode together with your spouse. She ought to have the ability to see all of your texts, calls, browser historical past, and many others. every time she likes. That too will assist maintain you behaving.
5. Train
Certain, your pure testosterone ranges when away out of your partner coupled together with your pent-up sexual vigor generally is a potent mixture to make you ultra-horny.
However that doesn’t imply that additional power must be directed in direction of intercourse or jacking off. It additionally doesn’t imply you need to attempt to tie a rubber band round your testicles or search out some type of libido-decreasing herb.
As an alternative, there’s nothing like a great exercise routine, particularly a soul-crushing, death-defying bout that leaves lactic acid bleeding out of your ears, to make you a bit extra calm and higher behaved afterward.
As a matter of truth, my exercise routine on the highway is very devoted and actually arduous. I by no means skip a beat as a result of it serves as a cathartic rigidity launch—and from expertise, I can inform you that it significantly turns down the lust dial.
For instance, on a median highway journey, I’ll alternate between:
- Push day (overhead press, bench press, push-up, squat, leg press, and many others.).
- Pull day (pull-up, pull-down, row, deadlift, and many others.).
- Core/cardio day (rowing machine, treadmill, bike, planks, leg raises, and many others.).
I like to recommend having an in depth plan like mine put collectively earlier than you even arrive at your ultimate vacation spot. Paired with making issues as frictionless as potential by having your exercise garments and footwear laid out for you subsequent to the mattress and a powerful cup of espresso inside arm’s attain, you’ll have the ability to direct a few of that “life pressure” in direction of muscle-building as a substitute of home-wrecking.
6. Name-A-Buddy
Generally, issues get actually powerful, and it appears like you may’t deal with it alone with simply you and God. Generally, you want a pal to step in and warn you earlier than you cost headfirst into catastrophe—type of like a rutting male elk, so pushed by intuition as a substitute of knowledge that he doesn’t notice he’s about to stroll straight right into a looking blind.
It’s these occasions for which you want a digital wingman from afar—a man pal with whom you may share your most embarrassing ideas and susceptible tendencies.
That is the pal who you may textual content or name everytime you want and who understands you and will get it whenever you name him at 11:18 pm on a Saturday evening sweating bullets since you nearly made a mistake that would value you half your property and no extra Christmas together with your in-laws.
You suppose that’s too humiliating?
Look: all of us guys undergo the identical struggles that you just do. The issue is, we simply don’t discuss about it with one another. However we’ve all thought and skilled the identical issues, besides possibly that Ned Flanders-esque pal who looks like he by some means left his libido in sixth grade.
Visitor Emeal Zwayne on The Dad Edge podcast eloquently described this concept of males being embarrassed to share their sexual struggles and temptations with different males. His e book, Battle Like A Man, goes into far more depth on this subject than this temporary article and is value a learn, particularly for those who want a extremely detailed, well-written handbook for private purity.
So, speak in confidence to a buddy. Be susceptible—whether or not it’s asking him to hope so that you can give up taking place the slippery Instagram softcore-to-Web-porn-hardcore rabbit gap or to examine in on you each day till you’re again dwelling to be sure to keep devoted. Belief me, he’d need you to do the identical for him, and this type of uncooked, sincere, radical transparency is what deepens the bonds of male friendship.
7. Construct Legacy
This final tip is by far essentially the most highly effective for me.
Two years in the past, whereas in India, I used to be interviewed by entrepreneur Mukesh Bansal. The dialogue turned to anti-aging, longevity, and—as such discussions usually do—finally progressed into the thought of whether or not I assumed human immortality was attainable.
I mentioned “Sure.”
And I didn’t imply that I figured we’d finally decode cryopreservation of our brains and repeatedly implant them right into a recent new physique time and again, in perpetuity. Nor did I imply that I anticipate that sooner or later quickly we might mainline designer medication into our bloodstream to show again the clock eternally. Nor was I even referring to the immortality attained by way of Christian salvation.
As an alternative, I described how a person’s offspring permits that man’s ideas, philosophies, targets, goals, and needs to be carried out by subsequent generations who occur to bear his genes and final identify.
That is one purpose legacy is so, so necessary within the Greenfield dwelling. We now have a household mission assertion, a household set of core values, a household brand, a household crest, and a household structure. Heck, we even have the Greenfield household flags flying proudly outdoors the entrance door, the Greenfield household brand on the massive signal on the finish of the driveway, and Greenfield household pickleball paddles, pepper grinder, cup coasters, throw pillows, hoodies, and hats we put on for an evening out in town. Woven into our yearly traditions and each day comings and goings is the sense that we’re a powerful household unit with a shared perception and function and that by working collectively as a cohesive pack we are able to truly have an effect on long-term optimistic change on this planet.
Possibly this is the reason males who turn into fathers expertise a slight lower in testosterone. It’s as if we’ve a built-in braking system on our pure propensity to sow our seeds far and huge in order that we are able to as a substitute deal with offering for and defending our household—in order that we are able to, in a means, reside on eternally by way of our lineage.
Clearly, nevertheless, there’s nonetheless greater than sufficient testosterone within the common household man to make sexual sin a tormenting actuality. However when there’s an urge to cheat, to weaken the bonds of a spousal relationship with porn, to surrender and stroll away from household life as a result of it’s simply too complicated and difficult, or to fly free like your attractive inside hen typically desires to, there’s nothing like a powerful sense of legacy to maintain your ft firmly grounded.
What do you select, and what appears extra interesting? The long-term reward of this type of “immortality” constructed by way of generational legacy…
…or the short-term pleasure of a thirty-second orgasm?
Don’t fret in case your kids are already youngsters, you don’t have a household structure, and function and legacy don’t really feel like they’re a remotely vital a part of your loved ones. In spite of everything, the most effective time to plant a tree is twenty years in the past, or immediately. If you wish to study extra about constructing generational wealth, take heed to my podcast interview with Wealthy Christiansen or learn my e book Boundless Parenting.
Abstract
OK, a fast evaluate right here.
First, pray. Pray rather a lot whenever you journey, however have some quick prayers memorized for when the blood circulate appears to be getting directed away out of your mind and in direction of your crotch.
Second, empathize. Put your self in her footwear.
Third, know find out how to induce your self right into a comatose-like sleep state.
Fourth, have your spouse provide you with some actually horny photographs and movies of her, ideally specific sufficient to go away nothing to your creativeness.
Fifth, train. Redirect power.
Sixth, have a wingman.
Seventh, and most significantly, construct the type of legacy that makes dishonest appear to pale compared to generation-building.
So there you might have it.
That’s how I don’t cheat once I journey.
After all, I’m not excellent. I’m no know-it-all. There are issues I don’t do but that I in all probability ought to and issues I omitted of this text I in all probability shouldn’t have.
So, what questions do you might have, and what ideas do you have for the fellows on the market who need to keep devoted?
Moreover, listed below are a number of different nice sources you may dig into on the subject on intercourse, intimacy, and connection:
- Better of Intimacy and Biohacking Intercourse: Optimize Libido, Orgasm Enhancement, Thrust In Time, Higher Erections Naturally, Breathwork & Extra.
- Find out how to Enhance Your Intercourse Life: 12 Biohacks for Higher Orgasms, Sexual Well being & Intimacy
